realtalknic

This morning, in a casual conversation with my colleague, he mentioned that Dolly Parton was on his playlist for cleaning the house. I said, Ummm Dolly? Really. He went on to say that chipper upbeat music really set the stage for getting your house cleaned. I'm thinking, "9-5? Islands in the Stream? " Ok. While this makes a whole ton of sense it doesn’t reflect any cleaning playlist I am familiar with at all!   Saturday mornings were a mixed bag at our house and while the tempo may change, one thing was a constant: The cleaning was going to get done. My mother was known for her clean house! There was no sleeping in on that 1 st day of freedom from school. Once that light hit you your face through the crack in the curtain your feet better hit the floor. You definitely don’t want moms coming in your room to get you! Oh no! Nothing good will come of that. See, you could tell a lot just from the hallway. If breakfast was cooking you could get away with a quick vac...

I spoke to a group of women at a fun heath conference/expo Saturday and asked them a very simple question…. Who are you? Right now, in this moment….Who are you? There were many answers that you may expect. I’m a mom. I am a wife. A sister. A mentor. A daughter. Ok, ok. Great.  Then…… One sister bravely raised her hand and her answer silenced the room. It was as if many people were thinking it, but none wanted to say it out loud. I wasn’t surprised at all. I let the silence linger. Finally, after that heavy, heavy pause, I repeated her answer:  “I am 41 years old and I really don’t know who I am.”  Wow. Heads started nodding. Shout outs and clapping for the not knowing. So many of us there hadn't even considered the question.  For as long as I can remember the women in my life defined themselves by how they were seen by other people. And sadly, when those roles ended they were strangers to themselves. Kids move? Adrift. Divorced? Hurt and stuck. Job...

A few years ago while running a corporate training event we had our participants do quick chats using conversation starter cards as cues. The results were great and it’s a staple for work meetings. As is often the case I practice on my kids prior to work to gage the flow and effectiveness of the activity.My kids and husband were not amused. Ha! "Corny!", they said!  Too bad. This is mom’s job on the line. Play along. So they did. And something magical happened. Amidst the nay saying, some fantastic and insightful conversations occurred. We made it a habit and it has been a winning tool in my parenting war chest. At the same time I began my completely unscientific and nosey study on conversations. A call it my Target Shopping Cart study. Because most of my eavesdropping occurred while pushing a cart buying things I didn’t know I needed at target.  It works like this…..listen to how people talk to their kids in Target. (walmart, Kroger, Costco….store doesn’t matter) ...

You know it's summer in our house when that 1st Saturday comes and the macaroni salad is in the fridge waiting for the boys to come and get it. It's a summer Saturday staple. From Memorial Day to Labor day....you can count on it. As I stood at the island making it this week I found myself thinking back to an incident where my traditional tuna macaroni summer salad told us everything you need to know about how to talk about race. With love and laughter. We were heading out on our family vacation, a 12 hour road trip from NJ to Disney. Cell phones weren't a big deal then but we were fancy with walkie talkies in each car. After about 3 hours we decided to hit the rest stop and have some lunch. My best friend, who is white, had packed a beautiful basket of cold cuts and breads. My kids ran to her basket and made sandwiches. I had a cooler filled with my tuna and macaroni and while we eat healthy most of the time....I had fried up some chicken for the road. Of cours...

The Shame Game: An Internet Sensation Starring the one you say you love the best: Your wanna- be thug son….or perhaps your puberty passionate daughter. The plot is the same whoever plays the game: Child acts up and you show off on video and prove to the world you aren’t having no mess….not in your house. No way. You will give an old man’s hair cut…beat some ass with a cord, berate and announce new found sexuality….all for the internet fans!   The cast: You, the parent, must prove you are the star. Those likes and retweets give you life! The comments are like ratings and the more “go heads, I know that’s right” you get….the better you feel.   The co-stars …..you know the ones that did the deed….broke a rule…went off course, otherwise known as your child. They must show full remorse, head bowed, crying….oh now we are talking. Crying is proof of full embarrassment.   That rage and despondence and brokenness displayed….will the world ever know if that is remo...

I'm so excited to introduce Pretty Patty to you all! She is my 1st project of 2015 and I am in LOVE!   I'm gonna tell ya how I did it....but 1st....real quick..... let me tell you why!   More and more I found myself putting things off because they were too expensive....too much trouble....tooo all sorts of things. And when you go without small pleasures you can become a bit snarky. Snarky is not in my personality wardrobe. (I don't think)   Still....I want what I want. Solid wood, not particle board. Dovetail drawer, none of those plastic side pieces. Had to have nice lines.....and FEET! (I really think FEET make the piece....doesn't date it and makes it look....sorta, hmmmm.....SEXY! ) And well....I found all of that and of course....$1000 plus. So my one other requirement? Had to be under $100 complete! I know.....STOP. PLAYING!   So Pretty Patty like many of my other pieces came to me in another iteration. And that's why I love her. I can get c...

Did you ever find yourself using a word that if someone else used it you would be offended?   Oh…..not that word! My family long ago admonished the use of the N word in any type of fashion. Just not happening. So, why then was it so easy for me to drop the word "Ghetto". You know like, that’s so GHETTO, or…”girl, you know he’s ghetto.” It’s all good and funny when it was popping out of my mouth. I could use that word because…..you know, it doesn’t describe me. Until it did. And it will go down as one of the worse pains in my professional career. Me. You know. Good me. Accepted everywhere. All audiences. The “you are all right” girl in every conversation. Professional and straight laced in and out of the office. I don’t play, and have no time for foolishness. Being trifling was and is an assault to our family and my mother was not having it! So I damn sure ain’t ghetto. Until I was. Yep. After working for months on a project that was my own from before it ...

If you know me in any capacity you probably know that I am obsessed with happy girls!! I am particularly fond of seeing brown girls that are happy because they are not commonly seen in the media. And just to be clear....I don't think girls should walk around all Stepford wifey with fake smiles all the time. I mean....happy with one self..carefree....comfortable in your skin....confident enough to give away a smile! I am so very fortunate to have tons of girls in many different ages and many different hues that fit this description. I view it as one of my many blessings. Topping my list tonight is my goddaughter Sydney. Tomorrow I will celebrate with her and her little friends for another big bash celebration. But tonight.......well tonight I am tired, and covered with glitter.......and my heart is full. In the nine years since Sydney was born my own daughter has finished her PhD, and med school and is happily performing surgery. I feel like I know a lil bit about ...

Last week the news went out that a 12 year old girl was missing……the news said she was probably with a 15 year old. Ok. Worry. Dread. 12 is too young to be away from home. So is 15. The local press was not quick and not dogged in any way….No front page. Pay to read. Shabby at best. Discriminatory at worse. . It was social media that really spread the word. Then came the picture. Then came the judgment. Light skinned, beautiful, shock of natural hair worn in a crazy fro, smile 1000 watts of shine, and a body that is well……not what society thinks of when they think 12. 180 pounds. Fully developed. The comments came quick. “don’t look 12 to me!” “She is not 12” “Wow” But she is 12. So it IS a 12 year old body. I tried repeatedly to make this point. And to remind folks that a child has no control over his or her packaging. The comments were harsh but it was the underlying disregard that was heartbreaking.   Because she doesn't look a certain way I do not have to think about he...

Kids laughing, old timers groovin, old school R and B steaming through the outdoor speakers.....it's the sounds of summer. Think about it, those BBQs you remember most, the menu is always the same, it's the sounds that gauge if the party is jumpin.....long after the sun has set the music still plays. For me, the sound of summer means the splish splash of the pool and the crackling of the ocean's waves. This black girl don't run..............but she sure swims!! When it comes to swimming, our motto is the more the merrier. We get it in! All summer long. Nieces and nephews and neighbors, let's go. No one is getting thrown out of this pool....this is family!! 1 weekend pool crew, having fun! While no one gets thrown out.....there are rules to get in. Yup. Some rules. And the rules don't always go over very well. I've been accused of being bougie. (really?) Worried about insurance. (I'm not even making this up) And in many cases not taken seriously.......

realtalknic: With all the sounds of summer, listen for silence : Kids laughing, old timers groovin, old school R and B steaming through the outdoor speakers.....it's the sounds of summer. Think about i...

What is the last conversation you had with your child? Think. Not just a demand for action or to give direction but a real conversation? Last week I was in Staples getting cleaning supplies of all things. If you know Staples then you know these items are in the back set of aisles. I was pulled from my deep concentration trying to decide on the best price for paper towels with the following exchange:  “Bring your ass up here! You ain’t no damn good!” I looked around to find the voice. It took me a minute because although it sounded loud enough to be right next to my ear….it was reverberating all the way from the front register.  I looked hard and thought…Do I know her? I know she isn’t talking to me!  As I scanned the scene I noticed the intended recipient of her tirade. Lil man had climbed up onto the second shelf of the cleaning supplies. So quiet he was that I didn’t even notice him! He was a beautiful boy but his eyes were sad. In the next 5 minutes I watched…mort...

We have a common saying in our house; I can show you better than I can tell you! It was with that spirit that I brought my daughter, an MD, PhD, to my mentor session with The Young Ladies of Distinction, an empowerment group for girls at the Uptown Middle School in Atlantic City. Two of the young ladies met us at the front door of the school building. They were easily recognized by their purple pashmina scarves....a special treat to the uniform policy. Bright smiles and firm handshakes welcomed us and beckoned us to follow. The building was bustling with end of the day announcements and activity bells! These girls were as focused as if it were the beginning of the day! We started our meeting by listening to them say their creed in unison. Words of empowerment about their worth, their actions, their future were like music to my ears. To see them is to believe them. These girls mean business. I had previously arranged a tour at the world famous toy store FAO in NY for the girls...

The knock came early in the morning and sounded like the police. Bang, bang, bang! I moved slowly to answer but my 16 year old son was up and ready! He had been waiting for months. Years probably. Today is the day for his permit and 3 hour driving lesson! I was pretty certain he would be ok....not too sure about me though! My husband came to the banister....still sleepy from a late night at work. He pulled his robe close and said to the instructor, " That is precious cargo right there. I want you to know. " They gave each other long knowing looks and out the door we went! I was all smiles and chatter. Be careful. Listen. Pay attention. Let me get a picture. Have fun! All of the right things were said. I had done this twice before with my older children. No problem. I smiled and waved good bye. I made it up to the porch before the 1st tear slid down my face. Really? Where did the time go? So many fears.....it's dangerous out there. Don't use your phone. Keep your...

I love to save! And I love sharing the "how-to" of saving with friends. There was never a better time to share than fall of 2011......I call it the Great Toilet Paper Caper. I had been "couponing" as a hobby for a little while when I hit pay dirt! These kind of deals are super scarce these days but at the time this was an adrenaline raising, blood thumping, OMG moment! Take a look..... What you can't see are the bags and boxes of the rest next to my kitchen table!! It was all FREE! And I had $54 to spend on other things. It was mind blowing!! I was so excited I had a "how to" party for my friends and as a parting gift....well.....that got the thing that everyone needs!! A bag full of toilet paper! Ha! I gave away tons....put some in every bathroom, the laundry room, and the basement! It was everywhere! In the time that has passed I have had several parties with 50 plus people.....illnesses of the stomach variety if you know what I mean.....4 ...

I am one lucky girl. I am blessed with women in my life that I can count on, that want the best for me, and that I enjoy. I know it is a blessing because all around me I see examples of what it looks like when that is not the case. It is a curious thing, when relationships go wrong with women, because it starts early!! Like 7-8. All of a sudden someone thinks you think you're cute....or bossy....or...gasp! Conceited. They stop sitting next to you on the bus or at the lunch table. It is crazy because in many instances it has no reason....it is without explanation! As adults it's just the same. You can be friends with me as long as you stay in your lane......that job.....hmmmm, you fancy now? That house....bougie. No you didn't buy that couch I was looking at......I would laugh because it's funny but I could cry because it's true! So when I say I am blessed with women in my life that give me the fuel I need to be and do my best....I really do mean blessed. That I ...

The office makeover continues! I really am loving how it looks! Such a happy space! This easy project was super fast....20 minutes! Woop! And super cheap! $20! Yepper! I wanted to have a visual of some of the places I have traveled to and I happened to have an old map in the basement that actually fit the color scheme of the office. Who knew?! I moved it up to my gift wrap bin thinking I would frame it. I was not too keen on hanging something heavy on the wall and if I put glass over it I would be limited to marking my destinations......hmmmmm.....what to do? Eureka!!! Installation Board! ( ummm.......you may remember that I am a lil obsessed with this stuff because it is BIG and it is CHEAP!)  check out some of my most pinned projects using this stuff here: Office Art!!! I bought the cheapest board from Lowe's for $10.75. It is supper big. I had them cut it into thirds  right at the counter so it would fit in my car. 3' by 4' each piece! ( that's...

Ok, I have been looking for the right piece to go in my office for over a year. It has to be the right size and I have to house my family room tv components on it as well. this is what the space looked like before......... I know, I know! A hot mess! The rest of the office is great but this was more like a dumping ground. Another challenge is the light switch. see how far into the wall it is? I know....who does that? So whatever I use can't cover the switch. And....since it's me, well, you know I want to do it all for under $50! My husband said I was nuts and that it was an impossible expectation. That motivated me even more and I hit up my favorite cousin Craig.....Craigslist that is! Here is what I found.......... She is short (this is good because I want to use the top) and skinny (this is great because of the light switch problem) and they say make an offer!! Feeling tingly!!!! I send this pic to my husband who is use to getting random pics from me with a question mar...