Friday, May 31, 2013

Partners in Parenting

Baby momma drama.....baby dad mad.....ain't nobody got time for that. Real talk. Over the past few months my world has been consumed with the completion of my daughter's education with an MD and a PhD. I have blogged about it, cried about it, shouted about it, and damn near been kicked off of FB for posting about it. It really is amazing. And......it has been based in a true partnership in parenting which should be talked about because it isn't the normal narrative.

At 15 a girl should be picking classes not co parents or life partners but since that is exactly what I did I want to give a shout out to my daughter's father and say, "Great job!"

As teen parents we realized quickly we wouldn't be a couple. As adult parents we are both married to great people....just not each other. Me, for 20 years. Yup. Sooooo....we have 2 additional parents and personalities in the mix, and at the center of it all........we have my girl. (so I know it is "our" girl but.....well, I didn't say I was perfect)

We had to bloom where we were planted. For me, well, I took the 1st job offered to me in retail and have made it my life's work. He grabbed a job in a restaurant to help take care of his new baby....and 27 years later he is an executive chef. Had we not produced this beautiful girl, who knows what we would be doing. Perhaps it would be better, maybe worse. We don't dwell on it.

I wouldn't say we are buddies...........we both have full lives and other children. Aside from a few conversations about the old neighborhood...."Did you know so and so died? What? Get out of here!" or "Remember your old buddy, he's a grandpop now" ....our conversations have centered around what was best for our child. Private school? We did that...and as teenagers I am still trying to remember how we afforded it...lol. The one big huge fight with the angel girl.....we got through that. Sending our 16 year old off to college......we agreed on that. At the core it has always been what is best for her.

I wouldn't say it's been perfect. For most of my adult life I have supervised others....and this same daughter I speak of likes to remind me that I am not the boss of everybody. (I can't imaging what she is talking about) So I am sure there have been occasions when I was a least liked or vilified person........and the reverse is true too. But in 27 years there has never been a question on the commitment we both share for the proper upbringing of this person we brought into the world.

The past few weeks have been joy filled for both of our families. All of our children and our spouses celebrating with both of our extended families....we laughed and cried together. The pride was no more or less from any one of us........we had accomplished a great thing......together. Our daughter toasted us and she started with these words...." Some people don't get two good parents...I have been blessed with 4"

The added bonus for us is that it has been a text book  example of how to co parent. No hidden agendas, no personal baggage, no name calling. Respect all parties. Respect each other's time. Be impeccable with your word....do not break promises. And in all of this the person that it is being done for is your child. My experience is that these things can be improved upon but not taught later on in life. So...to any young girl (or old) that is reading this......these qualities should be present in any one you choose to deal with. Her father is a good quality man and he was raised that way. Real talk!

So I want to share my thanks and appreciation to him and his beautiful wife. It has been an incredible journey.  I salute you for the attention and support you have given her over the years and I am so grateful knowing that the love we have for her is only multiplied by the two of you. Bravo!

Dr. Dr Natasha with her Dad and Step-Mother and little sister

Dr. Corbitt with her parents




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